The Adjustment Nobody Photographs
There is a moment after you have your baby, and before you introduce them to your other children, where you feel like you are living two different lives. The life with your new little one. And your life at home with your other kids.
Are they going to get along? Will there be an adjustment period? How long will it take?
And frankly, it's not all picture perfect Instagram worthy photos.
Sometimes it's holding your oldest back so she doesn't hit the baby. Moving rooms so she doesn't get upset by the crying.
Other times it's letting the baby cry a little longer so you can attend to your toddler mid meltdown, because you can't pick her up after a c-section.
And when somebody asks how the adjustment has been, you get a lump in your throat as you say "great!" And it is. But it's also more than that.
You hold back tears because you want so badly to believe it will be perfect. But when will that be? And why does it seem like everybody else has kids who understand gentle hands, but not yours?
Children are complex. And as parents we often think they will just adapt right away, like we can hand them a few new toys and everything will fall into place.
They were here first.
We were theirs first.
And they never asked us to bring another into the world.
Adjustments are hard. There is a reason it's called an adjustment and not an instant.
It's taken me nearly 8 weeks to feel like we're finally on a roll. But I've cried plenty of ugly tears to get here. And it's still far from perfect.
When I found out I was pregnant, I instantly dreamed about this perfect little peaceful kingdom. I pictured my three kids playing together. Newborn photos in matching outfits. A caption that said "My babies! They already love each other so much!"
But when I actually tried to take that photo, my oldest grabbed the baby's foot and she started to sob. My middle child threw a tantrum because she wasn't the one holding the baby. And my cute little photo turned into a disaster.
And I thought to myself, what am I doing wrong? What did I do to make my kids hate each other?
Which is a heavy burden to carry.
And it's also just not true.
It takes time for little souls, and big ones too, to find their way. It doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it takes a little bribery. Sometimes it takes extra one-on-one dates.
One morning I had my baby in the rocker and my oldest walked up to her. Instead of hitting her, she gave her a kiss and told her how much she loved her.
And that time, I cried happy tears.
It's an honor to bring kids into the world. It's an honor to be a mother. And it's an honor to guide them through these life stages, even when it is painful in the process.
I've never felt God growing me more than in the way I raise my children.
Most days I'm asking for grace, and a second, or millionth, chance.
But at the end of the day, I know it's just a short season. And I can't wait to see the friends they become.
